I don’t know. And it’s okay!

I don’t know.

And I don’t know is a valid answer to any question when you really do not know. Not that you’re fluffing off the question, or not because you’re too busy, or your brain is too full to pay attention to the question, but because you actually have not weighed all of the available information or sourced for more, to arrive at an answer.

My husband has often commented that my dad will end a conversation with the words, “I don’t know.” And I’ve told my husband that over the years, my mom drove me nuts because during almost every conversation at some point she’d mention, “Do you know? I don’t know.” But now, mom’s gone. And of course, I’m finding there’s much that I don’t know!

But now, I think it’s okay not to know!

You see, just because I don’t know everything, doesn’t mean that I don’t live IN joy! I choose JOY in every moment. I see synchronicities in many things and relish in the glorious luscious moments, while minimizing the painful ones. Seeking balance, there is no void in me.

Therefore, I am fine not knowing exactly what comes next. I have many ideas about what comes next, but no one knows for sure, even those who’ve died and been resuscitated! And near death, well, as many of those stories as I’ve heard, though similar, they’re not all the same. Oh, I believe those persons, and the stories they recount–mostly because the stories remain unchanged for each one, though I’ve heard their stories multiple times (and I think it would be impossible to tell a lie the same way time after time).

But mostly, I’m writing this because I don’t know if you are supposed to help me change or if I’m supposed to help you. I do know we are all in this together, and that we are ALL God’s children.

Some of the most well-meaning people lately (even family) have tried to introduce, or re-introduce me to Jesus Christ, to “save me.” And I’m fine with their loving attempts, because, well, they love me! I understand their intention. I really do! And I love them for wanting to “see me again in heaven”, or wherever wonderful saved people go after death.

I prefer to believe at this moment in my life, that we all go into a Beyond. And it’s completely inexplicably beautiful! Beyond anything we can IMAGINE!

But, if your thoughts of salvation are based on your worry about whether you’ll see me at some later time in heaven, think about the JOY we might be missing RIGHT NOW, while we’re talking and connecting on a very real, visceral level. Let’s not focus so much on seeing each other again in a hereafter that no one’s seen, and miss out on the amazing and REAL life we’re currently experiencing!

I also invite you to ponder if your worry is not based upon your own ego, fear of death or the unknown.

As you can see, I’ve given this topic just a bit of thought.

A guru once told me, “If you’re unsure of anything, or troubled by any particular thought, just sit with it for awhile.” So, on this particular topic I have sat with it for some time. And here’s what I’ve been given:

If you feel I am not saved, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Is your every thought a prayer?
  • Is your every moment alone spent in meditation listening for God’s word?
  • Is your every bath, shower, or swim–a baptism?
  • Is your every bite or drink of food taken in remembrance of your Creator?

Until you can do these things and your life bears the fruit of your pure intentions, please do not judge me or any other human BEings in your life.

If you are worried about anything, you are not living in Faith. And for sure I don’t think you’re living your faith, because Jesus said we’d all be known by our fruits (what we produce with our lives).

Moment to moment people change. Even the ones who you might feel have hurt you or someone you love dearly. Send them loving thoughts without trying to change them.

That is all.

And I promise to do the same.

But, I don’t know. Do you?

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